Critical Annotation - Out of the Shadows by P Carnes

By Shannon Bailey
Understanding sexual addiction takes a lot of study and time. Carnes gives a great overview and insight into what sexual addiction is all about. With this overview, counselors are able to get a better grasp on sexual addiction to either deal with clients or know how and where to refer them. Sex and sexuality are only beginning to make it out of the "taboo" of families and relationships; however, there is growing knowledge of the number of people with sexual addictions.

The question of whether there is more knowledge of addictions or more actual addictions can be argued incessantly, but the fact needs to be focused that there are a great number of sexual addicts in our public and very few counselors with the knowledge to work with these addicts. Carnes states, "The book had tapped into a deep undercurrent of sexual trauma in our culture. Many were struggling with inadequate resources" (p x).

Those addicted as well as family and friends. In 1983, the first publish of the book was called The Sexual Addiction, however, seeing that people were weary of buying and reading it, the title was changed to Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. More people bought it and many related to the book in so many ways. Since the first edition of this book in 1983, in 2001 came the second edition. This was only after Carnes received thousands of letters containing information about each one's addiction or relation to addiction. Carnes states there are more therapists who understand sexual addiction and what works with treating the addiction.

Before one can look at sexual addiction, the answer to what an addiction is has to be understood. Addiction is "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

Carnes states, "A moment comes for every addict when the consequences are so great or the pain is so bad that the addict admits life is out of control because of their sexual behavior" (p 1). This moment is different with every addict. As seen on Dateline: To Catch A Predator, some people are arrested and never go after minors again, however, some are arrested and go back again.

Out of the Shadows shows how the addict's belief system spirals into impaired thinking and into a cycle out of control. The addict rationalizes the behavior thinking it is a valid rationale. This impaired thinking gives rise to not only rationalizing, but also irrational actions. Carnes states that this is a constant struggle between the person's normal self and the addicted self; a type of Jekyl and Hyde struggle emerges.

The sexual addiction can come from various reasons, such as being overweight, childhood trauma, and molestation. The worst dual-addiction is when the sexual addict is also addicted to alcohol and/or drugs. Carnes points out that many believe sexual addiction is a result of alcoholism or drug addiction; rather it is two separate addictions.

Few persons understand that sexual addiction has various levels. Some of which are culturally and socially acceptable and do not have any reason for therapy or treatment. The first level includes masturbation, which in our society is not only normal, but also essential for being a sexual person. It is when these activities become compulsive and interfere in daily living, that they become addictive. Something as simple as masturbation can grow into a need or compulsion. Masturbating several times a day or degrading himself or herself after they do it. In essence, they are creating shame from it. Also included in the first level is pornography, prostitution and anonymous sex. These can be acceptable in society, such as pornography; however, the amount of time a sexual addict spends on these is what makes them dangerous. Many of the persons within the level one category feel a sense of control over their addiction, including spans of time that they do not engage in the behaviors and then other times binge.

Level two gets more into the illegal aspects of the addiction. Level two would include exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, and indecent liberties. Most of society would see these as nuisance, rather than a severe crime. These acts involve the beginning of infringing on others without their consent.

Level three gets into significant boundary violations; child molestation, incest, rape, and other violent sexual crimes. This is often where addicts hit rock bottom and are forced to face long jail time and / or mandated counseling. Others including the courts, counselors and other inmates challenge their rationales on their behaviors.

Addiction is not a one-person deal. Its affect spreads everywhere and often includes several family members and friends. The co-addictive behavior is common with this addiction as well as the denial of others around the addict. Twelve-step recovery groups; which hold the addict to accountability with other members and the addict's family are definitely helpful. Unlike the alcoholic who can abstain from alcohol, the sexual addict has to figure out how to include sex into his current or future relationship(s) safely. Celibacy does not resolve the problem. Carnes continues to offer insight into dealing with sexual addiction and how to recover from it.

Reading Out of the Shadows gives a great insight into not only what addiction is, but what sexual addicts go through while dealing with their addictionThrough Carnes' story, addicts can teach others about the struggles of sexual addiction and how hard it is to recover. . The insight in the second edition of the book gives great views from addicts who tell what society does not want to hear, but needs to.

READ MORE - Critical Annotation - Out of the Shadows by P Carnes

The White Tiger

By Rabiya Jawed
The author addresses the problems of the life of Munna, a boy belonging to the rural suburb of Gurgaon. His plight can be understood by the fact that when he enters school and the teacher asks for his name, he replies that he doesn't have a name and that his family doesn't have time to name him. The teacher names him Balram, hence this name continues throughout the book.

The author explains, with immaculate use of local vocabulary, what it was like for Balram to grow up in the village. It is common knowledge that feudalism is dominant in rural india, and the author goes at length to describe the oppression of being a commoner and not a lord. Hereon, Balram is forced to leave behind his roots at a young age and migrates to the city with his brother. The author's style depicts the shrewdness of such deprived people, hidden from the view of an urban citizen at many a times. One is forced to believe that the walls of pawn shops and tea stalls indeed have ears, as the chotas of the shop eavesdrop on the conversations of these customers. Balram gets inspiration for a job on one such occasion, and ends up being a driver, entering a master-servant relationship.

Balram is a servant of a member of New Delhi, Mr.Ashok. Ashok has recently returned from USA, with Pinky madam as his wife and is, obviously, a resident of New Delhi. The author goes at length to elaborate the raw emotions of jealousy, fear and that constant nagging of being reprimanded by the master. Balram encounters every peculiar experience known to man in his career as a driver and each experience polishes his personality and strengthens his belief that one day even he would be the proud owner of a Honda City and be allowed the privilege to enter the shining malls of New Delhi.

The unique fact about the book is the fact that it is basically a series of letters addressed to the premier of Japan of that time, Ven Jiyabao, from a humble citizen. Balram writes the email prior to the premier's visit, making the guest aware of the fact that India is not what the shiny pamphlet portrays it to be. Balram emails him as an entrepreneur and indeed he is. The book accounts for his transition from a driver to an entrepreneur in the most gripping way possible.

Aravind Adiga has done a remarkable job, depicting the phlegm of life being a low-caste Hindu. The barren realities of corruption, the crude treatment of servants. Beautiful, simply beautiful. Makes you believe that life is handed to you in a rusted plate, you have to polish it by crook or by book to see the steel beneath. Aravind Adiga's debut novel has received positive reviews with The Independent saying, "The truth, as it begins to emerge, is as shocking as it is fantastic. It's a rich subject, and Adiga mines all its darkly comic possibilities. Halwai's voice - wised-up, mordant, sardonic, self-mocking and utterly without illusions - is as compelling as it is persuasive, and one of the triumphs of the book."

READ MORE - The White Tiger

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma

By Chris Kanyane
In the 18th century there was one French philosopher genius, Jean-Jacques Rousseau. It was Rousseau who provided Europe with slogans for return to nature during the times of the industrial revolution when everybody was excited about machines and the power of them. Rousseau argued for a shift from reliance on the head, (that is reason) to a shift to the heart and pure nature and the simple life. Rousseau called for the human beings that are genuine in a genuine world. He advocated and kindled a novel appreciation of natural beauty, wild life, forests, landscapes, mountains and valleys.

Natural life, argued Rousseau, is spiritually fulfilling, enchanting and cultivating people.

Rousseau found the dominant culture and philosophy of Europe too cruel and materialistic. His idea of happiness was sentimental, peacefulness, social and private. The dominant philosophy of Europe or the western tradition and civilization is that happiness is something you earn and deserve and conquer. According to western tradition there are no individual rights to happiness: you can only be happy if you are successful living in a luxury. Note the fact that to live in luxury you have to soldier through, beating people along the way (and sometimes making them slaves) brushing them aside and winning in life. Happiness and successes is something you deserve and earn according to the western tradition. You can only access happiness by becoming successful in life. In this way, people's lives are in state of war, fighting to achieve, planning, controlling, strategizing, and managing is the order of western way of living.

Rousseau is backed by one of the modern philosophers Robin Sharma. Robin Sharma in his book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari speaks about a gentleman lawyer who was probably the most successful lawyer on the planet earth. This lawyer at the age of 53, as he was arguing a high powered case in court had a heart attack and collapse right at the centre of the court. And what follows may be that he entered a near death experience and entered his life review. Life review is the process we enter into shortly before we die. In this process nature present us with a comprehensive review of our lives. The purpose is to see to ourselves as to whether we were good or evil while living here on earth.

At the end however this particular lawyer survived the heart attack and came back to life here on this planet called earth. But he becomes a completely changed person having had near death experience. He drop out from the law profession and gave away all his luxuries. He travels to India to live in the mountains of India far away from people and civilization. Living in the mountains in the forests of India where there is no technology or any so called advancements that comes with the western tradition. There this former lawyer mingles with people, who in the modern sense of the western civilization you can call savage and primitive and uncivilized, spending time communing with nature, walking in the woods a life completely opposite to the big life he lived in big cities as a prominent lawyer.

This former lawyer going beyond the appearances encounters people with impeccable wisdom, wisdom based on compassion, natural justice and goodness as opposed to western tradition wisdom of being strong willed and achieving happiness out there and becoming successful.

Also Leo Tolstoy wrote a short story called How Much Land Does a Man Need. The moral of the story in this short story is that at the end all the things we spend the best days of our lives chasing in the name of success really don't matter that much. All that we really need once our lives end does not amount to too much more than six feet dust and soil.

"Society has become a messy placed to be. We have neglected what it means to stand for something bigger than our lives and we have misplaced our priorities by focusing solely on ourselves to win rather than passionately helping everyone around us win as well in a gesture of kindness and encouragement." -Robin Sharma

Dr Chris Kanyane is a simple and friendly humanitarian historian from one of the dirt mud villages in Limpopo province of South Africa, where he grew up with no electricity, no plumbing and no shoes.

Chris Kanyane was awarded an academic excellence award for his penetrating History on Africa and Human Development.

Chris Kanyane has MBA degree from Management College of Southern Africa and PhD in History from Central Western University, Texas (US)

Dr Chris Kanyane has in association with Central Western University developed excellent easy to follow home study course on Africa and Human Development.

READ MORE - The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma

Understanding Freakonomics Better - Random Decisions Are Not Random

By Prasoon Kumar
Freakonomics by Steven Levitt takes a look at interaction between different people and the way they take their decisions. He believes people never take random decisions, they follow certain rules (which may be self imposed, not necessarily external) and most of the time they try to get something or people related to them or for themselves. The rules by which the humans take their decisions may include moral, social or economic incentives or benefits.

Striking a Balance

There are three possible outcomes for any (dis)incentive schemes - if these are very weak or strong, the desired result will not occur. Even if they occur, they may come with some extra baggage of ill will among the subjects. The decisions will be happily adopted by the people if we can strike a balance between a strong incentive and a weak incentive.

Everyone Gets the Difficult Answer Right

Another interesting aspect of the incentives is cheating - which is defined as getting more benefit for less (than justified) effort invested in the work. Let's talk about the schools where the teachers are punished or rewarded according to the performance of their students. Teachers cheat through many means available to them to ensure they get the incentives. They correct the toughest answer for all the students which they are likely to have gotten wrong. The result is - a disproportionately high number of students get the toughest answer right and other easier answers wrong (mostly). They may also correct the answers written by the dumbest students, who are likely to be wrong most of the time in the teacher's perception.

We Need To Think Like Cheaters

Steven Levitt says if we have to catch the cheaters, we need to think the way they do. We need to find out what kind of cheating would bring most benefit for them, though they do tend to use easier techniques also even if they bring lesser returns. The high stakes testing was introduced in 1996, and the authorities detected suspicious changes in the marks obtained by some students over a year.

Was The Student Cheating?

So the question is, can we be sure the teachers were cheating by helping their students or not? It can be safely said the teachers only help their students if the results affect their own financial status, otherwise they don't. Steven Levitt says if the performance of the student falls after one year, they were probably cheating. Another possibility may be that the moment the student left his comfort zone, his performance slipped.

READ MORE - Understanding Freakonomics Better - Random Decisions Are Not Random

Quests Beyond Existence - A Book Beyond Description and Perception

By Michael Duque
Quests Beyond Existence presents the reader a mixture of story-telling, imparting principles, entertaining and educating the reader about concepts beyond human lives.

The book hopes to leave with the reader a more accepting attitude and a much better understanding of life and its relationships both here and beyond. Through the work, it is hoped that the reader will learn to understand human and non-human relationships and be able to apply these ideas in their own lives thereby improving their own existence. These values are hopefully achieved through concrete examples and shared personal experiences of the people in the stories.

Quest Beyond Existence does not comment, judge or criticize any actual people, groups or organizations in real life. There is nothing in the work that can be deemed slanderous of any other person, being or group. Furthermore, the book does not contain any incidents of crime nor does it include any specific descriptions of any violent acts towards human or animals. Quest Beyond Existence also does not contain any vulgar, offensive, discriminatory and indecent words or concepts as it is also completely apolitical.

Quest Beyond Existence does not include any mention or discussions of any acts of terrorism or terrorists. The work is completely based on shared personal experiences of the author. It also does not contain any descriptions or discussions relating to or pertaining to sex or sexual acts.

Quests Beyond Existence is copyrighted and is listed with the Philippine National Library as a Transpersonal Psychology work of fiction.

Buy the book and judge it for yourself.

Michael Duque joined the Spirit Questors in 1997 first as an observer then as an apprentice. Under the guidance of his mentor and SQ Founder Tony Perez, he developed his latent abilities until he became proficient in their use and application.

READ MORE - Quests Beyond Existence - A Book Beyond Description and Perception

Overcoming Passive Aggression

By Jeanine Byers Hoag
What I like about the book is that even though it addresses the angry person as "the problem" and the focus is on how that person expresses or fails to express hidden anger, there is a strong call to action on the part of the person who is in a relationship with the angry person. And part of the call is being careful about the way we express anger.

The book identifies several types of passive-aggressive people and their deep inner motivations for expressing their anger passively. The authors point out that there are deep inner needs that drive the other person's behavior and they often stem from childhood. Understanding what those needs might be help to explain why they are using these sneaky expressions of behavior instead of expressing it directly.

It also separates the differences you encounter when the passive-aggressive person is your partner, your child, your parent, your boss, your coworker, or your best friend.

The authors give detailed descriptions and great case stories to illustrate how the different types of passive-aggressive behavior show up.

They have numerous checklists to take in case, you, the reader, are the angry person expressing it passively. And they identify the costs of anger in terms of health challenges, ruined marriages, lost job promotions, estranged family relationships and others.

If you are dealing with someone's hidden anger at home, at work or in some other situation, you are likely to recognize it as you read this book. Most likely, you know that already, but one of the possible problems they mentioned is that people enable and protect the angry person, denying, ignoring or minimizing the other person's behavior.

For me, the most helpful part of the book is the part where they describe enabling and issue the call to stop it. They make several suggestions about the changes you need to make if you are encountering someone's hidden anger...

(1) Immediately stop enabling it. Address it directly and clearly and set firm boundaries about what is or is not acceptable.

(2) But do so calmly, watching carefully the way you express your own anger, lessening your own reactiveness when something happens. Be as positive as you can during each interaction. Make the interaction about resolution and state clearly what you would like to see happen to resolve the problem.

(3) Don't accept excuses if you are clear that what happened is an example of hidden anger expressed in a passive-aggressive way. And be direct about the consequences of continuing the behavior.

(4) Don't be drawn into an argument about which one of you is right and which one is wrong.

(5) Be careful not to attack the person but to focus instead on what happened and what you believe needs to happen now and in the future. Behavior not character.

"About half of passive-aggressors are fully aware of what they are doing, Engel estimates. The rest act (or don't act) unwittingly and then wonder why they get people's blood boiling."-- therapist Beverly Engel, author of Honor Your Anger: How Transforming Your Anger Style Can Change Your Life.

READ MORE - Overcoming Passive Aggression

Parenting With the Enneagram

By Jeanine Byers Hoag
Two Enneagram Books
In this article, I will review two Enneagram books by Elizabeth Wagele, the Enneagram of Parenting and the book she wrote for children, to help them better understand themselves, Finding the Birthday Cake.
Both books have helped me and my son tremendously! Both books offer helpful quizzes for parents to use to evaluate their children to see which Enneagram style they use.

And in both, the author cautions the parent that the Enneagram style may not become set in stone until they get older. While they are still young, the best thing to look at is their behavior and their tendency.

She uses a lot of cartoons in both books to illustrate each type and painting a picture of what each one is like not only makes each type seem cute and endearing, but also makes the distinctions between them clear.

"Elizabeth Wagele is a writer, cartoonist and musician who lives in Berkeley, CA, with her husband, Gus, where they raised four children and enjoy visits from their grandchildren. In 1994, HarperCollins published The Enneagram Made Easy, which is now used all over the world. She followed that with books on relationships, parenting, introverts, a children's book, and a CD on Beethoven where she plays excerpts from his piano sonatas and discusses his personality."-from Elizabeth Wagele's website

The Enneagram of Parenting

What I found helpful about this book is the way it translated each type into child language and behavior. She really did a good job of explaining how each personality type would express itself in school, at play, during mealtimes, at bedtime, and she described how they would react to stress. She also explains what they need from us as parents, and gives helpful suggestions about how to meet your child where he is, depending on his type.

Finding the Birthday Cake

Though I read this book as well, it is actually written as a story book for children, to teach the Enneagram to them in a way that makes it easy for them to understand. My son has read it several times and feels quite clearly that he and I are both fours (we are) and is clear about the others in our family, too.

In fact, he understands it so well that he enjoys guessing about people outside the family and can make a case for the type he thinks they are based on what he has observed in their behavior.

READ MORE - Parenting With the Enneagram

Review of "Influence - the Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B Cialdini

By Paul Stephen Barber
I came across this book as it was mentioned in passing by a couple of Internet marketeers that I respect, and they were suggesting that it was a must read. Anyone involved in sales already will have come across this book as it is a seminal work and quoted and copied in sales training. Influence the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini.

I read the book whilst on holiday and I was amazed at the content. These days we all receive e-mail promotions and we are tempted by a lot of them. Some marketeers will tell you that you should save a copy of the e-mail is that tempt you in a swipe file for future reference so that you can emulate the tactics used. Whilst this is a good idea, if you are like me, with no formal sales or marketing training, then you may not notice what tactics they are using and that's where "Influence the psychology of persuasion" comes into it's own.

In the book Robert Cialdini goes through each and every tactic on a chapter by chapter basis with research which he or others has carried out on the tactic, how to recognise it, and how to resist it if you are just being manipulated.

The book absolutely fascinated me and one to be kept on your bookshelf and referred to and re-read on a regular basis. From the book you will gain an insight into how do the marketeers are working you'll recognise their tactics and that alone is a bit of an eye-opener, and then you will be able to apply some of the techniques in your own marketing.

For you personally you will learn how to recognise the tactics being used or new and therefore be able to eliminate the tactic to see if the underlying offer is one that is going to be of benefit to you or if you are just being "brainwashed".

When you read books like this, and Robert T. Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad is another example, you wonder why on earth is this type of fundamental education is not being taught in schools. So as a marketeer this book is a must and as a responsible parent again it's a must.

READ MORE - Review of "Influence - the Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B Cialdini

Book Review - "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" by Prof Erantha De Mel

By Dr. Jeanne Oswald
Prof. Erantha De Mel in his latest book "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" offers a cogent expose of the human mind processes. It explains how to reprogram the thought patterns and thinking styles to obtain the desired results in life; and also it offers a technology for creating change. The book explains very lucidly how patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behavior are created and how we develop habits and mental programs over a period of time. Habits are not formed overnight. When we do the same thing over and over again - over a period of time, we form a habit. Our thoughts are also habits. All of us have the capacity to consider ways to re-program our minds and create new neurological pathways to achieve success.

Prof. Erantha De Mel is the founder of the Neural Optimization Technique. He is an internationally acclaimed Cognitive Neuroscientist and was the recipient of the Cambridge Blue Book Man of the Year award 2005 for his contribution to the field of Neuroscience and Cybernetics. As a practicing psychologist and researcher, in both psychology and parapsychology; he is engaged in extensive research in both fields and is a scholar with original research into Altered States of Consciousness and Psycho-Cybernetics. The Neural Optimization Technique (NeuralOpTech) provides multiple applications for business modeling, counseling, psychology, management development, sports performance, and many more. This technique also provides a way out of old habits, fears, limiting beliefs, and gives a structure for new and empowering ways of being in the world. Some people simply breathe the air; others savor the fragrance and tang in each and every breath they take. Some people look out at a landscape and see cliffs, valleys, fields and streams; others see minute details of life, climate, and splendor. "There are no facts in life. We have only perceptions" - Prof. De Mel says in his book. What we perceive is a fact for us.

Very effectively he addresses issues such as self-sabotage (sabotaging one's own success), refining self-perception (what you believe about yourself), and receiving what you expect from your life (manifestation of intent). The techniques described in this book help one to disentangle and re-define life-situations; and to clarify feelings and thoughts to his or her own advantage. It provides new resources to move forward proactively and positively. He shows how to practice positive emotional states on a daily basis, and how to manifest one's expectations in life. "If one practices feeling 'happy' everyday in his life, it is easier to feel happy" he says; because that person is practicing it, affirming it, and creating it. That's why it is so important to choose happiness as the predominant state of mind. On the contrary, if one is feeling depressed and low, and if that person keeps practicing going back to that depression - invariably, it will create depression in him.

The book describes how to examine the validity of your thought processes that is important in altering your thoughts. "In finding the validity of your thoughts, you need to defend and produce evidence that the bases for your thoughts are true. If you are unable to meet this challenge, the faulty nature of your thoughts is exposed. Your thoughts are also habits. When you think in the same way over-and-over again - over a period of time, such thought processes become habits. In other words, they become "automatic" thought processes. When engaged in irrational thinking, instead of reacting to the reality of a situation, an individual tends to react to his or her own distorted viewpoint of the situation. For instance, a person may conclude that he is "worthless" simply because he failed an exam or a job interview. It is important to identify such distorted thinking patterns, or cognitive distortions, and change or restructure them in a realistic manner."

This book is written with minimum technical terminology, having the average reader in mind. The information that is provided is excellent and invaluable in personality development and attitudinal change. It is a "must read" book!

READ MORE - Book Review - "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" by Prof Erantha De Mel

Predictably Irrational - The Keys to Your Success May Be the Opposite of What You Think

By Mary Lou Kayser
One of my favorite sitcoms of all time is Seinfeld. One of my all-time favorite episodes of that quirky show is called "The Opposite." In it, George decides that every decision he has ever made in his life has been wrong, and that his life is the exact opposite of what it should be.

George tells this to Jerry, who then suggests to George that "if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right."

At that point, George resolves to start doing the complete opposite of what he would do normally in every situation. His first "experiment" with this new mindset is with a beautiful woman he sees sitting at the diner bar. He introduces himself to her by saying, "Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

Now if I am recalling correctly what pick up lines work and what pick up lines don't, this one would be in the latter category, a certain deal-breaker right out of the gate.

But to George's surprise, the woman is impressed, slightly turned on, and agrees to go out on a date with him!

Aside from the brilliant humor and creative genius behind the creators and writers of Seinfeld, something else is going on here in this particular episode that points to a truth about human nature.

In it, he shares several case studies that illustrate the opposite concept that was dramatized on Seinfeld. For anyone who is fascinated by or curious about why people do the things we do - things that appear on the surface to be totally illogical and the opposite of what we should be doing - Ariely's book is a must-read.

As a professional marketer and entrepreneur, I have learned some valuable things from Ariely's research that I can apply to my business endeavors. Knowing that we humans are naturally impulsive, emotional, and driven from a place of wanting to feel important or included helps with all sorts of tasks including copywriting, video production, pay per click ad campaigns, and the like. While our culture is structured around reason and logic, Ariely shows time and time again that we human beings are anything but reasonable and logical.

Sure, there may be glimmers of logic and reason every now and then, but let's not kid ourselves: cultural norms and systems are designed to control the things we are most naturally going to do. The very existence of creeds such as the Ten Commandments and The Golden Rule (and I use these examples respectfully) suggest that we humans need to be reigned in from our basest impulses.

Ariely shows this to be true again and again, with examples from his own life as a severe burn victim to situations in business to courtship to parenting to work.

I will be so bold as to suggest that the keys to success in life lie within the pages of Ariely's book. The keys to success in marketing and entrepreneurship are certainly there. By studying and internalizing the patterns of human behavior - and there really aren't too many patterns to memorize! - a person can do very well. (The moral issue arises when choices are made about how to use this information about human behavior: is it solely for personal gain (bad) or is there a broader, more benevolent impulse (good)? But this is a post in itself...)

One of my biggest take-aways from Predictably Irrational is this: In order to be remarkable, sometimes you have to do the opposite of what everyone around you is doing, even if it goes against the logical grain and puts you at social risk. In the end, each of us has to decide for ourselves what level of risk we are comfortable with relevant to the goals we have set for ourselves, and then act accordingly.

But last time I checked, anyone who is and was successful pushed past cultural norms and did not follow the path of least resistance. They instead did exactly the opposite.

READ MORE - Predictably Irrational - The Keys to Your Success May Be the Opposite of What You Think

Review of Simon Clarkson's Book - DayDreaming

By Michael Bury
I recently discovered that there are several positive thinking books available on the market, I have discovered one that interested me, Simon Clarkson has published 'DayDreaming'. This is a book aimed at the individual who is looking for success through a positive mental attitude and wants to take control of their lives.

It is a book that emphasises the power of positive thinking not dissimilar to The Secret in principle, but written by an Englishman in simple terms.

The book explains how Simon applies the power of positive thinking in all of his thoughts, actions to his everyday life. What Simon explains to his reader is that if something is important to us sufficiently so and we desire it, it can and will happen.

The world that we live in today is full of people who are negative and don't believe that they are either good enough or deserve it, whatever it is. What Simon writes is that the world is indeed there for is all to tap into, the important thing being, we need to develop our positive thinking techniques to concentrate on these issues.

Simon goes into detail of his own personal experiences in life, these are quite touching but, the important issue being it is the power of the human being. We all possess these powers but very few people apply them and this is a huge issue we all appear to have.

A great memory that I recall, is one that's when I was a young boy and I would balance on a high wall, my mother would invariably shout" be careful otherwise you may fall". And guess what invariably I'd fall. The point being once you have been told something your brain will think that it will happen and more often than not it does.

Apply the same thoughts to positive thinking techniques within our lives and you can transform your life. How simple can it all be, surely if we changed our thoughts, wouldn't life be a lot better for all mankind.

In conclusion what Simon Clarkson's book does, is to encourage us all to think positive, healthy good thoughts and you never know when you actually tune in, it will happen. If you were to carry out very simple research it would prove that most successful, prosperous individuals all have one thing in common: the same trait.

READ MORE - Review of Simon Clarkson's Book - DayDreaming

Atkinson and Hilgard's Introduction to Psychology Reference Book

By Gino Hitshopi
When you are young the world is your oyster, there are so many opportunities that are open to you and you have hundreds of different paths that are all open to you. As hard as it may sound it is advisable to have a good understanding of where you would like to go and what profession you would like to head into. If you work and study hard then there are no limits to what you could potentially achieve.

If you feel that you would like to possible use your talents to help other individuals then you might want to consider a caring profession. One area of the caring profession is psychology, which is basically the study of the mental state within humans and animals.

If you feel that this could be the ideal profession for you then you will need to work through and study a number of books related on the subject. One of the best books about the industry is Atkinson and Hilgard's introduction to psychology. It has been an industry standard for a long time and now in its fifteenth revision Atkinson and Hilgard's introduction to psychology continues to deliver cutting edge and exclusive content that will help you to establish yourself within the profession.

Atkinson and Hilgard's introduction to psychology gives the reader an in-depth insight into some of the complex issues that you may have to deal with whilst working within the psychology sector. Section 1 looks into the nature of psychology to give the reader an overview before the book delves into more intense subjects, like psychological development, sensory processes and perception.

As you make your way through your career in psychology you will have to master the use of all of these techniques and the Atkinson and Hilgard's introduction to psychology would be a good reference book to have on your shelf to refer to from time to time to refresh your mind and ensure that you are providing your clients with the appropriate levels of care.

The remainder of the book covers subjects like language and thought, motivation and personality, stress, health and coping with troublesome issues. The Atkinson and Hilgard's introduction to psychology is priced extremely reasonably when it comes to educational textbooks and it helps to provide an enlightening insight into the various issues that we as humans might face on a daily basis. Helping people to deal with their issues can be an extremely rewarding path to follow, so if it sounds like something that you would like to do then you might want to check out this reference book.

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You Don't Know Crazy

By Mary Stanhope
Mental Illness - It Is My Turn Please, anyone who has been affected by someone they love that was or has recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder should read this book. It is from the inside view of the person with the diagnosis versus the person trying to deal with someone else having the behavioral health disease. There is nothing fun about it and if it is not caught early will be mislabeled as a troubled child, person or problem person.

Wambui Bahati basically goes through her life and lays it out on her sleeve for us as she starts from the beginning in her childhood and what she went through growing up. She went through multiple moves in her lifetime and dealt with racial issues during the timeframe when it was high on everyone's mind.

She was educated at New York University studying acting and even then was taking advantage of sexually. What people don't understand is people diagnosed with Bipolar are easy targets for drug, alcohol, sexual and physical abuse. Normally, they also fall in and out of depression easily and they have a hard time trying to find out who they are or constantly blame themselves and are unsure why they cannot make anyone happy.

It takes a strong person to live with someone diagnosed with Bipolar and vice versus. There will be many hospitalizations until medications and therapy find the right mix and the patient continues to take them or find something that works to allow then to get off the rocky road they are traveling. People with bipolar have ups and downs and some refer to them as peaks and valleys. When they hit a low or a valley it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes work, patience and lots of love.

As you read on you will see after her second marriage, she is finally able to have a family and is able to find some hope and comfort. After being misdiagnosed for so long at the age of 40 she is finally given the correct diagnosis and she was able to work with the natural remedies versus the harsher medications and moved forward. This in itself is a big challenge. "You Don't Know Crazy" is about a woman who is fighting the battle in her mind. In this case she is taking back control. She is one of the lucky ones; she had the support of the professionals, her family and her friends. To get an inside view of mental illness read this book it does not get any plainer than this.

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Sex, Sexuality, and Therapeutic Practice

By Cammy Kiely
Human sexuality is a complex and controversial issue that is often ignored during therapy and clinical training. Yet, it is a salient aspect of the human experience, which requires deep understanding by both client presenting for therapy and therapist facilitating treatment.

Sex, Sexuality, and Therapeutic Practice provides therapists with a critical framework for understanding our personal beliefs regarding sexuality and a guide for addressing sexuality in clinical practice. Written from systemic, cognitive behavioral, and social constructivist approaches, this book offers readers an opportunity to understand the impact of sex and sexuality on the individual as well as on the larger social and cultural contexts in which the person lives.

The book begins with a theoretical discussion regarding various conceptualizations of sex and sexuality. A straightforward description of sex, sexuality, and gender through biological, legal, moral, and spiritual lenses provide readers with a solid knowledge base on which to draw throughout the remaining chapters. The next chapter discusses how therapists may talk about sex with clients during therapy. A discussion regarding health and disability sheds lights on the sexual issues often experienced by this infrequently discussed population. The following chapter considers the experience of sexual and gender minorities during therapy, purporting how training programs may address these issues with aspiring therapists. The penultimate chapter evaluates sexuality across the lifespan; a developmental perspective toward the end of the book provides a context in which the previous chapters may be understood. This is a critical chapter as it describes the unfolding of sexuality across the developmental continuum. The book culminates with a chapter discussing the relationship among culture, sex, and sexuality.

This book is a practical guide for all therapists regardless of theoretical orientation. Practical exercises pepper each chapter to ensure that readers apply the information rather than simply think theoretically about sexuality. Quizzes ask readers to test their assumptions and knowledge about sex, sexuality, gender, and sexual orientation. Complex theories and concepts are boxed and bulleted to facilitate readers' understanding and application of those concepts to clinical care. Diagrams complement complex theories and provide readers with a visual image that illustrates the relationship among theory, concept, and human behavior. This is a definite read for students in graduate training programs and therapists currently in practice.

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The Power of the Sub-Conscious Mind by Joseph Murray

By Lisa A Jordan
I am now reading the Power of the Sub-Conscious mind for the second time. I cannot get enough of this book. It resonates with everything I believe as to why we exist and how our thoughts completely create the life we choose no matter what.

If I am having a bad day, I will go home, flip open this book, and I will always find my answer. I know from reading this book that there is nothing that will get past your conscious mind beliefs until you so convince that part of your mind to make it true. Remember, the conscious mind is the king, if he doesn't believe it, you have to work on it by producing a better thought, or repeating your affirmation of choice. For example, if you say to yourself, "I am rich," your conscious will not believe that, he knows better, so you have to change that statement to something it will believe, like, "my wealth is increasing every day." That is a more believable statement to your conscious, once that is done, your subconscious takes over and works on making things happen in your everyday life. You will notice ideas coming to you that will help increase your wealth, like another job, a potential home business either by yourself or a friend may call you out of the blue with a great opportunity in the form of a partnership. You will find yourself at times saying, "I was just thinking about that," well, there is a reason for that, you thought it and things started to happen because of that focus on a particular thought. There is no such thing as a coincidence, it happened for a reason. Pay attention to your thoughts, watch how they go all over the place, try to control them when they get like that, and just think about what you really want because you can have it. The mind is a powerful place and that is how everything in this world became to be, it all starts with a thought that becomes stronger and then action follows that thought because your desire becomes that strong to allow it to manifest.

The power of our thoughts is so very interesting to me and I strongly encourage everyone to pick up a copy of this book, leave it by your night stand and read a little every night. This book will lift your spirits in every respect, I promise.

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As the Pendulum Swings - The Mind-Brain Connection by Lindsay A Brady

By Richard R Blake
Finding the Connection Connecting Peace of Mind and the Joy of Consciousness
"As the Pendulum Swings" is Lindsay A. Brady's true life story. Brady is a nationally recognized clinical hypnotherapist. The book is divided into two parts. Part one tells of Brady's early interest in hypnosis and of his curiosity regarding the mind/brain connection. It talks about his search for answers to unresolved questions and about how he overcame his lack of confidence, his inhibitions, his scholastic deficits, and of his low self perception.

Brady uses sketches as illustrative case studies to provide the reader with an understanding of the process and objectives of hypnosis and hypnotherapy. He explains how "perceptionism" is the force in hypnotherapy. Brady describes how he developed an approach to help his clients overcome their self destructive behaviors.

Part two explores his theory behind hypnosis and of the influences that led to his conclusions. He discusses perception, regression, and altered consciousness. Brady shares illustrations of "conversations" held in his own "inner room." He tells of drawing on wisdom from conversations with an inner wisdom he named "Socrates."

The book includes a comprehensive appendix which with detailed information on the structure of a typical perceptionism session, perception's influence, the nervous system, and muscular behavior. He also provides insight into eliminating the difficulties of stress and anxiety. I appreciated the excellent bibliography which includes book resources and available courses.

Brady is intellectually stimulating. His writing is fast moving, and hilarious. His self deprecating humor hides his true genius. He is very entertaining, rich in profound insight and understanding in areas of consciousness and self fulfillment.

"As the Pendulum Swings" is a welcome addition to the reading list or library of all who are interested in investigating the "mind/brain" connection. Worthwhile, stimulating, and entertaining.

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Flow - The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

By Jeffrey Le Compte
This great book from one of the founding fathers of positive psychology is no pop psychology book as it is backed up by years of scientific research. It outlines his theory that people are most happy when they are in a state of flow. This is where you are in a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity and situation that you are in right at the time.

Flow is "the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sake of doing it." It is an intrinsically rewarding experience, and it can also help you achieve a goal, for example winning a deal or improving skills in areas such as sports or games. The idea of flow is identical to what many people call being in the zone or in the groove.

To get into the flow state, you must find a balance between the challenge of the task and the level of skill. If the task is too easy or too difficult, flow cannot occur. You must match both skill level and challenge level and both must be at a high level. If you match skill and challenge at a low level apathy results.

I am sure you have all at some time experienced flow and the kind of high it brings. The Ideas in Flow have massive impact on how we perform our work and business. If you can take this information and use it to redesign you work you will not only be happier but also much more productive and richer. Something to think about and strive for.

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Is The Me Generation The Cause For The Culture Of Excess?

By Karen Haney
When I thought of reviewing THE CULTURE OF EXCESS, my first thought was am I the right person for this book? It only took me a few minutes and pages to realize that I would be fine for this book because I found the book was so much more than what I had expected. Dr. J. R. Slosar for me, most importantly, wrote this book in a way that made it easy to follow and understand. His goal seemed, in some ways, not far off from what I had been trying to do in a classroom as a teacher for the last few years prior to my retirement, and that was to get those young people to understand that their self-indulgence was very harmful to them as well as society as a whole.

With our country in a financial crisis, we see the self-centered life style that has taken over most of our lives to be the cause of most our problems. As Slosar refers to the "Me" generation needing to work toward a "We" generation, he explains how this is at the root of our problems. From the economy being hit so hard to the lifestyles we live, this book addresses how this happened and what needs to be done to change this dangerous path we are on.

Dr. Slosar states, "The changes in development of today's youth are profound as the interaction of economic and social trends have dramatically affected self-control and how we define success." He goes on to talk about how the ideas in this book can stop and change what it is happening and how all of us can learn to make better choices and have more positive results.

I hadn't thought about this excess causing some of the problems discussed in the book. I could see the financial end of it where we as a society have come to want what we want and go about getting it with no regard to cost to ourselves or those around us. This translates to more than just possessions, although they are a huge part. It also has to do with the deadly rise in obesity in our country and when I sat back and thought about it, well, of course that makes sense! I thought about what he was saying about how that also has to do with other social and health issues including drugs, increase in unnecessary cosmetic surgery, and so many other mental health issues. As a teacher, I watched as year after year, students' home and psychological problems got worse and I wondered what was going on to make these children have such problems. The ME society! Think about it! It makes all the sense in the world.

Dr. Slosar understands what is creating this culture of excess and he uses so many excellent examples in real-life situations but also does it with wit and clarity thus making the reader understand and relate to what he is saying. He goes on to include descriptions as well as history that helps the reader to see the reason our society is in the mess we are in. The organization of the book into chapters that deal with first the "Cultural Narcissism" and go on from that explanation into chapters of examples that explain why things are they way they are is very easy to follow. The problems that arise from use of technology in such unhealthy ways are explained in a chapter Slosar titled "Digital Coping: Loss, Reality, and Self-Deception". The fact that he recognized the problems but rather than just write about what they are and how they happened, he also includes how they can be dealt with to give every one who reads the book a glimmer of hope that we can reverse this. His main targets for all these problems come from capitalism being out of control (no kidding!...but we do hate to admit it) to a "consumerism overload" to the forces of technology and media being main causes. The problems of taking risks and being so out of control as we continue to put so much into material things has not led us to contentment and good health. Therefore, he advocates, we must rethink what success really means and how we can get to that place. How we must allow government to be a solution to our problems and allow them to do their job properly especially in that deregulation has certainly not helped. Our health MUST get better and there is so much in this EXCESS that has made us so unhealthy in more than just obesity but also mental disorders. And finally parents MUST take more responsibility in raising their children and set boundaries for their behavior. Children honestly will flourish much better when they have order in their life and set guidelines and rules to go by.

The case studies and examples cited by Dr. Slosar are just more proof of what he has written about when it comes to peer pressure from children all the way up to adults. The pressure to have the "right labels" and "act the right way" lead to more mental problems and financial disasters than ever seen before. It is almost common sense that this has happened when you read this book and stop and look back at what may have happened to you personally and how it effects you and those around you. THE CULTURE OF EXCESS-How America Lost Self-Control and Why We Need to Redefine Success is a thought provoking must-read for those who want a better life and society for themselves and their children and want to be part of a "We" Society at last!

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Book Review - Next Stop, Reloville By Peter T Kilborn

By Cathy Goodwin
Relocation always brings challenges and Peter Kilborn writes a journalistic account of a special segment of people who move: families who are required to move in order to keep their jobs or maintain career growth. They earn high incomes by most standards - $100,000 - $400,000 - and their companies move them lavishly. One company even flew the wife's mother to babysit with the children while the couple went on a househunting trip.

These families represent middle and upper management. None was described as a CEO but some were VPs of mid-sized companies. Some worked in cubicles.

Author Kilborn focuses on the impact of moving on family dynamics. His approach is typical of contemporary journalism: focus on a handful of families in depth and chronicle every aspect of their lives that might remotely relate to moving. Thus we have children who start over in school, wives who volunteer, husbands who are away from home for long periods. We see variations from one family to the next but as I read, their stories blended together.

Kilborn notes the pressure to conform. For instance, these families need to buy homes with high resale value, so they tend to seek new homes in new neighborhoods. As a result, older neighborhoods fall into decline.

We see how some families try to escape the pressures. One family was thrilled to find a home outside a homeowners association. Surprisingly few get divorced; one woman is shown in front of her new antique store, which she opened after divorcing her mobile husband and remarrying.

This book describes a small, privileged sliver of corporate America. And, although the book's subtitle refers to a "new" rootless professional class, I don't think it's all that new. I remember when IBM used to stand for "I've Been Moved." If anything, I'm hearing that companies are cutting back because spouses now enter the picture.

And that's my major quibble with this book. Are all members of this corporate America male and married? The book finds one young single woman who talks about the difficulties of getting a boyfriend. But I've known single and divorced women over 40 who reported enormous problems fitting into this mobile class. One woman moved into a nice neighborhood; after all, she earned a good salary and she could easily afford a big house. Her female neighbors were threatened at first. They actually worried she would chase their husbands (as if she had time or inclination).

The book doesn't address other issues, such as relocating professionals who are gay, non-Christian, or of another race. In these Relovilles, will these people stand out? Will they be ostracized? Or are these towns so filled with corporate execs who have higher tolerance than longer-dwelling residents of these small towns?

Ultimately I'm not sure what we are supposed to learn from this book. Wisely, the author chooses not to draw lessons and move to the self-help genre. Perhaps the ultimate lesson is to choose a career where you are self-employed or where you just don't have to move. You might sacrifice the big pay checks (or not), but you will gain the most valuable commodity: time. And if you do choose this path, nobody can say Kilborn didn't warn you.

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Review of the Third Chapter - Life 50 - 75

By Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D.
As a sometime career consultant, I continue to search for a book targeting people at mid-life. This book seems to be about preparing for the years just past midlife, which Mary Pipher characterizes as the "young old."

As I've noted in reviewing other books, I often think it's impossible to write a really helpful book about this stage of life because (a) there just aren't a lot of choices for everyone and (b) there's such a variety of people, health levels, skills, aptitudes, background and more. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot deals with (b) by focusing on a small slice of the population: educated, healthy people without financial worries. Within that group, she finds common patterns: a yearning for something that can't always be named, a resistance to change (possibly because successful people tend to resist changing a cherished identity) and finally a learning that differs from previous classroom experiences.

It is insights like this one that led me to give the book a 4-star rating rather than 3-star. I agree with reviewers who complained about the length of interviews, details of subjects' lives and narrowness of subject range. I also agree that the book doesn't present as many original ideas and frameworks as readers might expect from extensive research. But as a former academic myself, I think it's appropriate to work with a narrow sample, as long as you make it clear upfront, preferably in the book's title. There's value in asking explicitly, "If money were no object, how would people choose to enter their sixties and seventies?" At the same time, these people are insulated from many consequences of aging.

I also liked the author's review of the way the notions of aging and retirement have changed. I would have liked to see more on this topic. When I lived in New Mexico I met people who lived in those "55 and up" communities, including one woman who took care of her aging parents. When her mom died, she was in her early fifties: too young, according to the community. I also met people who wondered why I didn't want to live with my age-mates, an idea that makes me feel suffocated. It's good to have the historical perspective.

The best part of the book was the author's interview with economist Matthew Gladstone. Gladstone's perspective makes sense, possibly because I have a b-school background and enjoyed my economics courses. Gladstone suggests that as we continue doing work, the law of diminishing returns sets in. If I understand him correctly, I believe he might suggest that a successful lawyer might get enormous joy out of winning her first case, then her second...but at some point, she will be less joyful. It's like eating a meal when you're hungry; as you start feeling satisfied you don't enjoy the food as much.

I think we could extend economic thinking even further. When you reach a certain age, you certainly can invest whatever time, energy and money you have to learn something new or start a new venture. But your ROI - return on investment - will be limited. You might write one novel and maybe you will even sell it, but you won't have time to go on and write a series that would bring you the real rewards that come to authors after a long career.

I don't agree that the book reads like an academic article or a dissertation, having seen too many examples of the real thing. In fact, I think the book would be stronger if the author had introduced more sociological concepts to frame many examples. For instance, the interviewees made transitions from high-level professional or organizational settings to a more right-brained, artistic and/or spiritual focus. I know many people who never want to stop working. Volunteer work and the arts will never be enough for them (and I feel that way myself). The author notes that one interviewee, Pamela, feels frustrated because there are structural and institutional limits to her contribution. Yet anyone over 50 who wants to continue earning money faces much bigger challenges.

Finally, I admit to being jealous of those who found their new artistic callings. I wish I'd thought of singing lessons, but suspect I will still be advised to tap along to the songs rather than try to sing them. Over the past ten years, I've taken pottery classes in two different states. Each time I had less talent than anyone in the class. It was fun, though, and I just resumed. This time I decided to take on throwing. I still have less talent than anyone and I also have sore deltoids in my left arm. Still, I resonate to the experience of the interviewee, Josh, with learning the piano: trying to aim for a higher level does bring psychic rewards

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