Why Attaining Happiness is So Elusive - Part 1

By Frank Bonkowski
The Happiness Hypothesis
As a Third Ager, I have always believed that we all can be happy after midlife with the right mind set and knowledge. However, after reading The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom by Jonathan Haidt, being happy and having a meaningful life for everyone is a little more complicated that I thought.

Dr. Fred Horowitz, my colleague at happiness-after-midlife.com, recommended I read the book; it was one of his best reads of 2008 even though it is relatively unknown (there were only two reviews on Amazon the last time I looked). It turned out to be a fascinating read for me as well, eye-opening theories and insight based on solid scientific studies. But there is also helpful practical advice for being happy which is the pay-off for me.

I was so impressed with the Haidt's book that I would like to share with you in a series of five articles what I discovered. What is particularly fascinating is his melding of Ancient and Eastern wisdom and modern Western science. It had an impact on my life and may affect you in positive ways too.

I will touch on such ideas as the divided self, affective style, cognitive therapy, the happiness set point, the adversity hypothesis, spirituality, the importance of love and social relationships and the meaning of life - just to name a few. Haidt does not suggest a quick fix solution to finding happiness (what Dr. Fred calls the "Chinese Food Syndrome": you feel full for an hour, then you are hungry again). You have to work at it.

Our Mind is often in Conflict with Itself

At the beginning of the book, Haidt, a respected positive psychologist, describes two key notions: the divided self and changing your mind. The first concept provides a backdrop for understanding his arguments throughout the book. Hadit uses the metaphor of a rider on an elephant. In his view the mind is divided into parts that conflict. On the one hand, there is the elephant which is the gut brain or emotions and passions (the id in Freud's sense). On the other hand, there is the rider or the head brain, the rational side (the ego).

In fact, he describes at length ancient thinking and the latest scientific research pointing to four distinctions: mind vs. body, left brain vs. right brain, reason vs. emotion, and controlled vs. automatic thinking. What does all this mean? Conscious thought or rational behaviour has far less influence on our lives and ways of acting than we think. These distinctions partly explain our weakness of will and our experience of being divided against our self. This is point one in making the pursuit of happiness so elusive.

"The whole universe is change and life itself is what you deem it." Marcus Aurelius

The sage of self-help thinking, Dale Carnegie writing in 1944 said that the last eight words of the above quotation "can transform your life." Haidt is more cautious about such an assertion. He does say that self improvement self development is possible. How? He suggests three specific, albeit challenging and controversial, ways of changing your mind, but more about that later. First let us explore briefly three more fascinating theories about how the mind works in unconscious ways and affects the way we think and act:

- Like-O-Meter
This is an unconscious, subtle like-dislike reaction to everything we are experiencing even if we are not aware of the experience. The psychological studies on "affective priming" Haidt describes are worth reading. Other studies he cites show that three of the major decisions in life - what we do with our lives, where we live, and whom we marry - can all be affected (even only slightly) by something as seemingly insignificant as the sound of a name.

- Negativity Bias
The elephant or the unconscious sees bad as stronger than good. For example, Haidt refers to the finding that in marital interactions, it takes at least five good or constructive actions to make up for the damage done by one critical act. Another example is fear of snakes. If the elephant fears them it doesn't matter what you "think." You will still be afraid.

- Affective Style
Affective style equals a person's average or typical level of happiness - the so-called happiness set point. It is influenced by nature much more than we think. Surprisingly, research shows that happiness is one of the most highly heritable aspects of personality. According to several identical twin studies, 50 percent to 80 percent of all variance among people in their average levels of happiness can be explained by differences in their genes rather than in their life experiences. Now I know why I have never had a depression and recover quickly from negative experiences. According to Haidt I seemed to have won the "cortical lottery."

What you can do

How can you influence or change your affective style if you were not as lucky as me in the cortical lottery? Haidt suggests three courses of action:

- Do Meditation

Meditation plays a large role in Buddhist thinking and according to Haidt it tames and calms the elephant. Done everyday for several months, meditation can help you reduce the frequency of fearful, negative, and debilitating thoughts. Dr. Fred has practised meditation for over 20 years and more recently "mindfulness." Both practices have had a significant impact on his life. Dr. Fred would probably agree with Haidt's assertion that meditation can improve your affective style.

- Learn to do Cognitive Therapy

People with a tendency to depression often tell themselves that "I'm no good," "My world is bleak," "My future is hopeless." A depressed person's mind is filled with these automatic thoughts - the inner voice that keeps replaying negative tapes. The psychiatrist Beck described the a feedback loop: distorted thinking causing negative feelings. He and others such as Dr. David M. Burns in Feeling Good suggest you can break the cycle by breaking the thoughts. If you can catch your thoughts, write them down, name the distortions, and then find alternative and more accurate ways of thinking, you the rider can learn to train the elephant. However, according to Haidt it may not be effective for everyone.

- Take Prozac

Haidt admits that this drug and other SSRIs are controversial as a quick fix (grim reminder of the happiness pill "soma" in Brave New World). Scientists still don't know how it works but it does. It can relieve symptoms and sometimes can even change personality. Haidt argues that it is not over-prescribed; he uses effectively the analogy of giving someone contact lenses to see well. For Haidt it is a reasonable shortcut to proper functioning. Other experts such as Dr. Ben Lemer writing on mercola.com and Mark Kingwell, author of Better Living: In pursuit of happiness from Plato to Prozac, would strongly disagree. It is up for you to weigh the evidence, experiment and decide whether it is right for you.

In Part 2 of the series, I'll explore the importance of reciprocity in connecting with others and the dangers of hypocrisy and self-righteousness in preventing us from being happy.

READ MORE - Why Attaining Happiness is So Elusive - Part 1

A Complete Review of Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

By Joshua Uebergang
This is a book review of Daniel Goleman's Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships.
Goleman in his groundbreaking book reveals that neural linkages between humans influence the brain and the body. These invisible bridges give us the ability to change people's moods, emotions, and health - as these people can do to us. Relationships not only shape emotional states and general psychological experience, but also the very physiological matter that makes our body. Our interactions with people influences our immune system, circulation, hormones, and breathing for example.

Neuroscience is quickly discovering that humans are wired to connect. Our ability to connect with fellow humans influences us in deep and immediate ways. Unlike emotional intelligence, social intelligence focuses on this intimate connection between two human minds. Goleman's Emotional Intelligence focuses on skills and capabilities within the individual. It deals with self-motivation, self-awareness, handling anxiety, and reading social cues.

Social Intelligence expands from the one-person psychology within an individual to a two-person psychology that looks at the connection shared between individuals. More specifically, Goleman defines social intelligence as:
1) Social awareness, which comprises of primal empathy, attunement, empathic accuracy, and social cognition, and
2) Social facility, which includes synchrony, self-presentation, influence, and concern.

Goleman says many theories of social intelligence are narrowly defined to a cognitive context. Social intelligence tests ask participants what they would do in specific situations - a process that uses the brain's "high road" functions within our awareness. Goleman's model of social intelligence seeks to include the brain's low-road, the neural circuitry hidden from consciousness that functions at incredible speeds, because awareness of what people are thinking or feeling does not equate to healthy conversations. As the book's titles states: Social intelligence is beyond the intelligence quotient (I.Q.) and emotional intelligence.

Drawing on hundreds of studies, Social Intelligence looks into altruism, primal empathy, attachment, rapport, and compassion to name a few topics that are emerging from this new field of study. From the amygdala and prefrontal cortex to spindle cells and mirror neurons, like Emotional Intelligence, Goleman once again digs deep into neuroscience and vast numbers of studies. Again, he provides plenty of interesting anecdotes to demonstrate his principles in action, which to me gives the book more power for its application.

Chapter one reveals the emotional economy, a term that describes the give-take process of emotions. It discusses how a smile makes you happy, a worried looking face makes you unsure, and the biological process of how emotions transmit through people like a virus.

READ MORE - A Complete Review of Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

The Courage to Be Who You Are

By Marti Self
Are you an owl? Are you a dolphin? Are you a peacock? Are you a panther?
In reading "Conquer Fear" by Lisa Jimenez, I learned that behavior psychologists have determined there are four personality types. Although there may be a mixture within our personality, one is always dominant. To summarize the findings, the owl is detail-oriented, dolphins are natural givers, peacocks are socialites, and panthers are natural-born leaders. (I'm an owl - no secrets here!)

Discovering who you are is key to having the courage to be just that - WHO YOU ARE! We are all equipped with everything we need to make our lives work for us, and we all have inborn impulses that urge us toward our goals. Our core values are the motivating factor behind all decisions that we make and all actions that we take. As Jimenez points out, "Your time, efforts, thought and energies must be spent on your highest values in order to create a life you love" - having the courage to be who you are!

There is an intense power in knowing who you are and what you want. When you have defined those principles, you start to act on them and can make every day of your life more fulfilling than the last - and you will be SO glad to start each new day! Realize the desires of the heart and act in accord with them. After all, you get what you REALLY want!

The key to that prayer is to be absolutely clear on what it is you want, because clarity carries power as its partner. If you know what you want and are clear on that point, you can eliminate all fear and begin to attract opportunity and wealth to you. So, know what you want, write it down and dream about it. You won't believe what will happen!

READ MORE - The Courage to Be Who You Are

What is Creativity Anyway and How Come the Human Mind is So Good at It?

By Lance Winslow
Can we define creativity, and if we do, does that mean we are one step further in duplicating it? Is it possible to train a computer to be creative? Why not say artificial intelligence computer scientists, but psychologists, religious scholars and philosophers say not so fast because if you train a computer to be creative, then you are setting rules of knowledge use, therefore it would not be creative, rather following rules.

Still, the skeptics of mankind's absolute domain on creativity say that if an artificial intelligent machine creates, it is creative, no matter how it got there. Some say sure, but it would not be artificial intelligence, it would computer rules; so, then can computers become creative? And if they can that would mean mankind's creativity is not special at all.

Worse, the debate rages on as to whether a creative computer is actually creative or that it would only prove that the human programmers was so creative he created a computer to be creative. Interesting lines of thought on the psychology of the Creative Mind and if this interests you as well, perhaps I might recommend a very good book to you:

"The Creative Mind; Myths and Mechanisms" by Margaret A. Boden; 1990.

The author, Margaret Boden also wrote the book; "Artificial Intelligence and Natural Man" and this later work we find that Margaret challenges all the past period psychologists and philosophers on the issue of creativity. Can we define creativity, Margaret Boden believes so and poses such a definition, and gives the history of the psychology of creativity, and probable futures. If you are a creative expert and do not own this book.

Well, I hate to say it like this, but there is a good chance you are a fraud. You see there are a whole lot of so-called psychology experts which specialize in creativity, and yet they have a really tough time with defining it, reproducing it or explaining how it happens.

READ MORE - What is Creativity Anyway and How Come the Human Mind is So Good at It?

Know Someone Who is Depressed? Why Not Read Up on the Subject to Help Them

By Lance Winslow
All of us are affected by depression, whether we have such issues or not. For instance, 19% of our population in the United States takes depression drugs. So, with nearly 20% of our citizens taking depression drugs and considering all the depressed folks who don't but may have problems with alcohol or illegal drugs to cope, well you can see the problems we all face.

Still, how many of us really understand depression or what others around us may be going through? You would think that something so serious would be better taught in schools but it is not. Nevertheless, since this issue affects so many and perhaps even our close friends, family or those we work with, then shouldn't all of us take it upon ourselves to study this topic and subject matter?

Well, of course we should, and you ought to make it a personal mission to acquire this knowledge in your life. May I be so bold as to recommend an excellent book on the study of depression for you and your personal knowledge and on-going education?

"Understanding Depression; A Complete Guide to Its Diagnosis & Treatment" by Donald F. Klien, M.D. and Paul H. Wender, M.D.; 1993 Oxford Press, New York.

This book was written by psychiatrists with decades of experience and yet, it was written so a layman could understand. The doctors explain the symptoms of mood disorders and the issues with hereditary and environment; nurture and nature issues concerning depression and manic depression. Learn all about the potential treatments and what you can do to help your friends, family members or co-workers. Think on this.

READ MORE - Know Someone Who is Depressed? Why Not Read Up on the Subject to Help Them

Structure of Strange and Obscure Dreams

By Sam Shawn
Dream dictionary and the interpretation in it is a subject of great interest and every dream is considered to have special information to the dreamer. Disposing off dreams as just an illusionary event is simply not possible by most of us. Even those that are sharp critics about dreams as holding hidden messages get intrigued about why they did have a dream of a kind at one time or other in one's life. Dream interpretation is best achieved with a dream dictionary.

Dream dictionary is being explored in professional sleep study circles a lot more than ever. Dreams are considered to be supplements to conscious states, rather they are considered to be psychological doctrines that are deductions or abstracts that might or might not relate to real life happenings.

Dream dictionary and the interpretation of it is becoming more and more important in treating some kind of neuro-pathological conditions. This is because dreams have been repeatedly proven to be related to unusual psychic formations. Many psychological investigations have related to dream interpretation. In some cases they have found some relation to practical importance, in other cases they have not been of practical importance. It is still a challenge to explain the origins of dream images; however, when people are able to exactly explain the aspects in their dream images in detail, dream interpretation can be reasonably arrived at; however, in many cases people forget their dreams and they are not able to recollect beyond a certain limit.

With dream dictionary and interpretation techniques, it is possible to arrive at the complete significance and psychological structure of strange and obscure dreams; however, a scientific understanding of dreams has seen very little progress until date. The kind of interpretations that have worked more than a normal number of times have been documented in a dream dictionary.

Some types of dreams are not valuable to define any kind of information, where as some other types of dreams are true and valuable and have some information to deliver when the right kind of dream interpretation techniques are used.

Dream dictionary and interpretation techniques will help to identify between empty dream images that have no value and real valuable images that have value of some kind that can foretell something about the future happenings or it can foretell some warnings.

Some dreams have a direct meaning, they do not require any kind of interpretation, some dreams foretell the future and some dreams are very confusing and their impact is strong in the dreamer and it needs to be dissected and identified by using the apt dream interpretation technique. A dream dictionary can be a tiny key to interpreting the dream message.

READ MORE - Structure of Strange and Obscure Dreams

How to Succeed Using Gratitude - An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love, by Richard and Kristine Carlson

By Andrea Goeglein, Ph.D.
You may or may not know the name Richard Carlson, but millions of people all over the world have read his, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," books. Dr. Carlson was considered to be one of the foremost experts on happiness around the globe. As the author of thirty popular books, he used humor and every-day life to show millions of people how to not let the small things in life get the best of them. With more than 26 million books in print, published in 35 languages in over 130 countries, Richard Carlson became a worldwide phenomenon. He spoke to enthusiastic audiences around the world and was a popular TV and radio personality. He starred in his own PBS Special, which aired to millions, and was the host of a series called, "Don't Sweat the Future." What Dr. Carlson illustrated so beautifully through all of his work is the simple fact that life does not have to be as difficult as we make it. If we are not distracted by worry and self-imposed crisis, the real purpose of life is right in front of us: Live in the present moment.

Even at the height of his fame, Dr. Carlson chose to live authentically, declining many opportunities for fame and fortune. He remained devoted to normalcy and deeply understood that every-day life is where we find our most significant gifts. In 2003, on their 18th wedding anniversary, Richard presented his wife, Kristine, with a short manuscript called, "An Hour to Live." In it, he imagined that the end of his life was imminent. He posed questions originally asked by author Stephen Levine: Who would you call? What would you say? and Why are you waiting? Uncannily, the small book foreshadowed Carlson's unexpected death three years later of a pulmonary embolism.

Following his death, Kristine published the book, adding her own responses to these questions. Titled, "An Hour to Live, An Hour to Love," Kristine asks the audience to discover their own answers. Like John Izzo's book, "The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die," this book suggests that we truly liveright now and leave no regrets.

In a recent blog, Kristine Carlson shared a simple and yet very profound idea: Presence is a powerful thing. Living a fully-present life, based in gratitude is one of the basic tenets of positive psychology. To somehow decide to be grateful when the worst of all things is happening to us. To still be present for others and to not live in fear. To continue to move forward. These are the efforts that Richard and Kristine Carlson wish us to undertake right this second.

"All pain in life comes from wishing things were different than they are. So conversely, peace and happiness must come from accepting life as it is and breaking through the barriers of illusion to do so... All things that we label good or bad often hold in them surprises if we stay open. Each of us has choice in how we interpret life's events and in this way we are each responsible for our own reality." - Kristine Carlson

Richard Carlson's loving anniversary letter to his wife became a living example of gratitude to all of us. Positive psychology is much more than a science. It is the daily application of happiness to create the most successful life possible. Finding personal reasons to be grateful is a worthwhile, daily effort. For a valuable grounding exercise in gratitude, The Gratitude Letter, by well-known author Martin Seligman, please vis

READ MORE - How to Succeed Using Gratitude - An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love, by Richard and Kristine Carlson

Must We Feed the Bully?

By Elizabeth Bennett
Recently, I heard about this new book entitled "101 Facts About Bullying: What Everyone Should Know" and even though I have not read it, I do commend the author for taking a stand against the problem. Every bit helps in educating on this serious subject.

One point made in the book is that bullies can become victims and visa versa depending on situations and circumstances. Also, that it is not always good to fight back with bullies as that keeps the problem going. I have been saying both all along. The only time I advocate any fighting back is in the case of self-defense. Bullies have no limits whatsoever. Physical or psychological limits and will go the distance regardless. If a bully is trying to murder someone then yes, I do advocate fighting back out of protection and defense alone. Otherwise, I do not agree to fighting back either. Let the bully take the rap and let his actions be shown to everyone. Peer Abuse creates all sorts of problems in victims such as depression, social anxiety and PTSD. Its high time they pay for their crimes instead of the victim doing it for him.

Also, from what I understand, the book mentions that bullies can enjoy high social status. Oh isn't this so common! Bullies are socially sophisticated and pretty much set the bar for their social environment. Therefore, they are charming and charismatic and people are drawn to them. As a result, they are given a lot of social power because people are so drawn in by them. It reminds me of one selling their souls to the devil. What bothers me is that we are learning this yet we continue to give in to them. Give them a lot of power they do not need. Instead of just saying "that is just the way it is. It is what it is" then why don't we start educating them and rise to the occasion here? Teach them to use their powers for good instead of bad. They are given these social gifts and why do we have to allow them to misuse them? These gifts could be used to help those peers who are not blessed in these areas. Why does kindness have to be such a bad thing?

Once again, kudos to Dr. Kervokian for taking this initiative and writing the book. As a society, I wish we could learn to take the high road and stop feeding these bullies. Take the time to teach them kindness instead. After all, kindness is not really a bad thing.

Resource Cited

READ MORE - Must We Feed the Bully?

A Review of The Family Crucible

By Dr. Barbara Cunningham
The Family Crucible, by Napier and Whitaker (1978), reads like a novel while at the same time laying down some of the fundamental concepts of family systems therapy. It is a case study of one family's experience in family therapy. While the therapy shifts from daughter to son and then to parent interaction to daughters and son, it is finally the couple's marriage that must be treated if issues are to be resolved. Even the grandparents are brought into therapy to get at the family of origin issues.

The book opens with a quote from James Agee and Walker Evans: "The family must take care of itself; it has no mother or father; there is no shelter, nor resource, nor any love, interest, sustaining strength or comfort, so near, nor can anything happy or sorrowful that comes to anyone in this family possibly mean to those outside it what it means to those within it; but it is, as I have told, inconceivably lonely, drawn upon itself as tramps are drawn round a fire in the cruelest weather; and thus and in such loneliness it exists among other families, each of which is no less lonely, nor any less without help or comfort, and is likewise drawn in upon itself."

Through the telling of the Brice family's story, Napier and Whitaker illustrate underlying dynamics such as structural imbalances in the system and how child focus is a typical method used by unhappy couples to avoid dealing with their own marital and family of origin issues. Fusion, triangles, individual and family life cycle stages, family-of-origin themes, polarization, reciprocity, blaming, and the hierarchy and characteristics of living systems are among the concepts that are explained and illustrated through this family's therapy experience. David and Carolyn, an unhappily married couple, are the parents of Claudia (the IP), Laura, and Don. The book is well written and hard to put down once you start reading it.

Whitaker has been criticized in the field, because many people believe that he does not really have a theory. It is believed that it is only his charismatic personality that drives his treatment. I disagree. I believe that one has only to read his chapter in The Handbook of Family Therapy (1981) and see these concepts illustrated in The Family Crucible to realize the depth and breadth of his theory.

In the service of reviewing the book, it is useful to consider Whitaker's background and key theoretical concepts. He began as an OB/GYN and had no formal psychiatric training. He became involved in treating schizophrenics after World War II. Whitaker was interested in understanding disturbed relationships in a familial context and in determining whether serious symptoms such as those in psychotics might be reinforced by dysfunctional family patterns and beliefs.

From 1946 to 1955, Whitaker (1981) became involved in treating schizophrenia with a type of aggressive play therapy. In fact, Whitaker's most formative training was in a child guidance clinic where he learned play therapy (Whitaker, 1981). Whitaker used some outrageous methods, including learning to talk "crazy," arm wrestling, use of a baby bottle, and rocking, all of which were rooted in his training experience.

At the same time that he developed these techniques, he developed a kind of pyknolepsy, wherein he would fall asleep in the middle of a session. He would dream about his relationship with the patient being treated, and then make his associations to the dream a part of the therapy session (Whitaker, 1981). In justifying his unique techniques, Whitaker emphasized that "Each technique is a process whereby the therapist is developing himself and using the patient as an intermediary, that is the therapist is interacting in a primary process model" (p. 188).

In 1946, Whitaker (1981) moved to Emory, where he became chair of the Department of Psychiatry. It was here that he developed dual co-therapy with Dr. Thomas Malone. In 1964, Whitaker worked with David Keith to develop a postgraduate specialty in MFT at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine. The development of symbolic-experiential methodology required students to ". . . take everything said by the patient as symbolically important as well as realistically factual" (Whitaker, 1981, p. 189).

Whitaker (1981) defined health as ". . . a process of perpetual becoming" (p. 190). He emphasized that what is most important in a healthy family is ". . . the sense of an integrated whole. . . The healthy family is not a fragmented group nor a congealed group. . . The healthy family will utilize constructive input and handle negative feedback with power and comfort. The group is also therapist to the individuals" (p. 190). Whitaker also defines the healthy family as ". . . a three to four generational whole that is longitudinally integrated. . . maintaining a separation of the generations. Mother and father are not children and the children are not parents" (p. 190). Whitaker also looked at the degree of volitional access parents and children have to outside support and interests. The families of origin in healthy families are on friendly terms.

Importantly, Whitaker looked to spontaneity as a marker of healthy communication in families. The healthy family allows each member to admit to problems and to identify competencies. Thus, it is emphasized that healthy families allow great freedom for the individual to be himself. Whitaker (1981) states that ". . . normal families do no reify stress" (p. 190).

Whitaker (1981) emphasized that a basic characteristic of all healthy families is the availability of an "as if" structure, which permits different family members to take on different roles at different times. Roles result from interaction instead of being rigidly defined. They are defined by various conditions, including the past, present, future, culture, and demands of the family at a given time. On the other hand, Whitaker defined the dysfunctional family as ". . . characterized by a very limited sense of the whole" (p. 194). Lack of flexibility at times of change, covert communication, intolerance of conflict, lack of spontaneity, lack of empathy, blaming and scapegoating, a lack of playfulness, and little sense of humor are all markers of unhealthy families from Whitaker's perspective.

Whitaker placed heavy emphasis on the technique of co-therapy. In The Family Crucible, for example, the reader constantly witnesses Whitaker and Napier turn up the power. Whitaker and Napier's process techniques illustrated in the book are designed to disorganize rigid patterns of behavior directly in session. The exposure of covert behaviors is considered to be the family's misguided effort to stay in tact by submerging real feelings. There is a decisive here-and-now quality to symbolic-experiential interventions used in The Family Crucible, with a focus upon creating and then addressing en vivo emotional dynamics in therapy session.

Napier and Whitaker insisted that the entire Brice family be present in therapy. Indeed, Whitaker's symbolic-experiential treatment model considered it crucial to begin the treatment process with the entire family (Napier and Whitaker, 1978). Whitaker (1981) has emphasized that "Our demand to have the whole family in is the beginning of our 'battle for structure.' It begins with the first phone call" (p. 204). He asserts that it is ". . . difficult to do process-focused family therapy without the children" and the ". . . experiential quality of family therapy requires the children's presence" (p. 205). In the book, Napier and Whitaker (1978) frequently attempt change through playing and teasing, especially with Laura, Don, and Claudia. Members from David and Carolyn's families of origin are invited to session. Whitaker (1981) states that in arranging for four generations to come to interviews as consultants that he is ". . . helping to evolve a large system anxiety" (p. 204). Experience is privileged over cognitive engagement throughout the treatment with the Brice family, as it is conceptualized that experience trumps cognitive growth in this theory.

Napier and Whitaker (1978) describe their co-therapy as symbolic of a professional marriage. Early treatment of the Brice family involved the co-therapists making decisions. Symbolically, they viewed the family as a baby taking its first steps. As such, the family required structure, so it follows that the therapists made unilateral decisions. Once Napier and Whitaker had won the battle for control, the therapists, like parents raising children, soften considerably. In the middle phase of the Brice family's treatment, decisions about treatment were made more collaboratively. Again, the model for this process is increasing differentiation of the family. As therapy proceeded, the therapists took increasingly smaller roles, watching like proud parents as the Brice family became more integrated into changing themselves independent of the therapists. Whitaker (1981) clarifies that the therapy process ". . . begins with infancy and goes to late adolescence, where the initiative is with the kids, who then bear responsibility for their own living" (p. 107).

Throughout the book, it is implicitly and explicitly emphasized that the self-development of the therapists is the most important variable in the success of therapy. Napier and Whitaker (1978) acted as coaches or surrogate grandparents to the Brice family as therapy progressed. They were active and considered themselves to be the forces for change. Rather than a blank screen, they acted as allies of the family system. Especially in the beginning, Napier and Whitaker were directive. They used silence, confrontation and other anxiety-building techniques to unbalance the system. They acted as catalysts, who picked up on the unspoken and discovered the undercurrents represented by the family's symbolic communication patterns. The co-therapists privileged their subjective impressions.

More than anything else, Napier and Whitaker (1978) had the courage to be themselves. They knew how to meet the absurdities of life and how to bring out people's primary impulses. They believed strongly in the healing power of the human being, and, even more, of the family. They insisted that the family be in contact with its own craziness, play, and honor the spontaneous through their own modeling and directing.

The reader could observe how this symbolic-experiential therapy team moved through several stages. In the early part of treatment, the co-therapists battle for structure and they are all-powerful. In the mid-phase, the parental team functioned as stress activators, growth expanders, and creativity stimulators. Late in treatment, the co-therapists sat back and watched, respecting the independent functioning of the family. Whitaker (1981) holds that the "The sequence of joining and distancing is important. It is a lot like being with children. A father can get furious with his kids one minute, then be loving the next. We take the same stance with families" (p. 205). Thus, the role of the co-therapists was dynamic over the course of treatment with the Brice family.

Whether as a training therapist or a lay reader, it is inspirational to study the therapy offered by Napier and Whitaker (1978) in The Family Crucible. Self-disclosure, creative play, teaching stories, spontaneous interpersonal messages, the use of metaphor, and the sharing of parts of the therapists' lives that reflect a working through in their own living are used generously. Process techniques intended to activate confusion around Claudia, the identified patient, unbalance the system, and open up authentic dialogue between marital partners and between the generations of extended families are used. It is emphasized, however, that it is not technique, but personal involvement that enabled Whitaker and Napier (1978) to do their best. It is continually illustrated how symbolic (emotional) experiences are fundamentally formative in the treatment of families, illustrated poignantly with the Brice family. Therefore, such experience should be created in session. To expose the covert world beneath the surface world is the most curative factor for the Brice family, is it is for all families. By getting inside the Brice family's unique language and symbolic system, the therapists were able to move the family's awareness from the content level to the symbolic level.

In THE FAMILY CRUCIBLE, Napier (1978) describes the curative process of Whitaker's family therapy from the perspective of the co-therapist. The courage to embrace life's absurdities involves the courage to be oneself, to the point of even sharing your free associations and thoughts with families. Daring to participate in the lives of the families, or even inviting them to share in your own life in order to get them in contact with submerged associations, helps families to get to the primary process level. In fact, the book underlines that the force of the therapist is central to treatment, so that the family's encounter with the therapists is the primary curative agent. The goal of psychotherapy with the Brice family, as with all families, is to provide therapeutic experiences, and questions should be fired off in ways to unbalance the family. When Whitaker asks Carolyn, "When did you divorce your husband and marry the children?" he acts as an agent of change. He does not care whether the client likes him. And it is here that one realizes that the success of the psychotherapy depends on the emotional maturity of the therapist. The person of the therapist is at the heart of what good psychotherapy is all about. Since Whitaker states that therapy for the therapist is crucial, experiential training is essential for the therapist who would provide his/her clients with experiential treatment. In conclusion, this highly readable, inspirational, and useful book deserves a central place on every therapist's bookshelf.

READ MORE - A Review of The Family Crucible

Critical Annotation - Out of the Shadows by P Carnes

By Shannon Bailey
Understanding sexual addiction takes a lot of study and time. Carnes gives a great overview and insight into what sexual addiction is all about. With this overview, counselors are able to get a better grasp on sexual addiction to either deal with clients or know how and where to refer them. Sex and sexuality are only beginning to make it out of the "taboo" of families and relationships; however, there is growing knowledge of the number of people with sexual addictions.

The question of whether there is more knowledge of addictions or more actual addictions can be argued incessantly, but the fact needs to be focused that there are a great number of sexual addicts in our public and very few counselors with the knowledge to work with these addicts. Carnes states, "The book had tapped into a deep undercurrent of sexual trauma in our culture. Many were struggling with inadequate resources" (p x).

Those addicted as well as family and friends. In 1983, the first publish of the book was called The Sexual Addiction, however, seeing that people were weary of buying and reading it, the title was changed to Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. More people bought it and many related to the book in so many ways. Since the first edition of this book in 1983, in 2001 came the second edition. This was only after Carnes received thousands of letters containing information about each one's addiction or relation to addiction. Carnes states there are more therapists who understand sexual addiction and what works with treating the addiction.

Before one can look at sexual addiction, the answer to what an addiction is has to be understood. Addiction is "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

Carnes states, "A moment comes for every addict when the consequences are so great or the pain is so bad that the addict admits life is out of control because of their sexual behavior" (p 1). This moment is different with every addict. As seen on Dateline: To Catch A Predator, some people are arrested and never go after minors again, however, some are arrested and go back again.

Out of the Shadows shows how the addict's belief system spirals into impaired thinking and into a cycle out of control. The addict rationalizes the behavior thinking it is a valid rationale. This impaired thinking gives rise to not only rationalizing, but also irrational actions. Carnes states that this is a constant struggle between the person's normal self and the addicted self; a type of Jekyl and Hyde struggle emerges.

The sexual addiction can come from various reasons, such as being overweight, childhood trauma, and molestation. The worst dual-addiction is when the sexual addict is also addicted to alcohol and/or drugs. Carnes points out that many believe sexual addiction is a result of alcoholism or drug addiction; rather it is two separate addictions.

Few persons understand that sexual addiction has various levels. Some of which are culturally and socially acceptable and do not have any reason for therapy or treatment. The first level includes masturbation, which in our society is not only normal, but also essential for being a sexual person. It is when these activities become compulsive and interfere in daily living, that they become addictive. Something as simple as masturbation can grow into a need or compulsion. Masturbating several times a day or degrading himself or herself after they do it. In essence, they are creating shame from it. Also included in the first level is pornography, prostitution and anonymous sex. These can be acceptable in society, such as pornography; however, the amount of time a sexual addict spends on these is what makes them dangerous. Many of the persons within the level one category feel a sense of control over their addiction, including spans of time that they do not engage in the behaviors and then other times binge.

Level two gets more into the illegal aspects of the addiction. Level two would include exhibitionism, voyeurism, indecent phone calls, and indecent liberties. Most of society would see these as nuisance, rather than a severe crime. These acts involve the beginning of infringing on others without their consent.

Level three gets into significant boundary violations; child molestation, incest, rape, and other violent sexual crimes. This is often where addicts hit rock bottom and are forced to face long jail time and / or mandated counseling. Others including the courts, counselors and other inmates challenge their rationales on their behaviors.

Addiction is not a one-person deal. Its affect spreads everywhere and often includes several family members and friends. The co-addictive behavior is common with this addiction as well as the denial of others around the addict. Twelve-step recovery groups; which hold the addict to accountability with other members and the addict's family are definitely helpful. Unlike the alcoholic who can abstain from alcohol, the sexual addict has to figure out how to include sex into his current or future relationship(s) safely. Celibacy does not resolve the problem. Carnes continues to offer insight into dealing with sexual addiction and how to recover from it.

Reading Out of the Shadows gives a great insight into not only what addiction is, but what sexual addicts go through while dealing with their addictionThrough Carnes' story, addicts can teach others about the struggles of sexual addiction and how hard it is to recover. . The insight in the second edition of the book gives great views from addicts who tell what society does not want to hear, but needs to.

READ MORE - Critical Annotation - Out of the Shadows by P Carnes

The White Tiger

By Rabiya Jawed
The author addresses the problems of the life of Munna, a boy belonging to the rural suburb of Gurgaon. His plight can be understood by the fact that when he enters school and the teacher asks for his name, he replies that he doesn't have a name and that his family doesn't have time to name him. The teacher names him Balram, hence this name continues throughout the book.

The author explains, with immaculate use of local vocabulary, what it was like for Balram to grow up in the village. It is common knowledge that feudalism is dominant in rural india, and the author goes at length to describe the oppression of being a commoner and not a lord. Hereon, Balram is forced to leave behind his roots at a young age and migrates to the city with his brother. The author's style depicts the shrewdness of such deprived people, hidden from the view of an urban citizen at many a times. One is forced to believe that the walls of pawn shops and tea stalls indeed have ears, as the chotas of the shop eavesdrop on the conversations of these customers. Balram gets inspiration for a job on one such occasion, and ends up being a driver, entering a master-servant relationship.

Balram is a servant of a member of New Delhi, Mr.Ashok. Ashok has recently returned from USA, with Pinky madam as his wife and is, obviously, a resident of New Delhi. The author goes at length to elaborate the raw emotions of jealousy, fear and that constant nagging of being reprimanded by the master. Balram encounters every peculiar experience known to man in his career as a driver and each experience polishes his personality and strengthens his belief that one day even he would be the proud owner of a Honda City and be allowed the privilege to enter the shining malls of New Delhi.

The unique fact about the book is the fact that it is basically a series of letters addressed to the premier of Japan of that time, Ven Jiyabao, from a humble citizen. Balram writes the email prior to the premier's visit, making the guest aware of the fact that India is not what the shiny pamphlet portrays it to be. Balram emails him as an entrepreneur and indeed he is. The book accounts for his transition from a driver to an entrepreneur in the most gripping way possible.

Aravind Adiga has done a remarkable job, depicting the phlegm of life being a low-caste Hindu. The barren realities of corruption, the crude treatment of servants. Beautiful, simply beautiful. Makes you believe that life is handed to you in a rusted plate, you have to polish it by crook or by book to see the steel beneath. Aravind Adiga's debut novel has received positive reviews with The Independent saying, "The truth, as it begins to emerge, is as shocking as it is fantastic. It's a rich subject, and Adiga mines all its darkly comic possibilities. Halwai's voice - wised-up, mordant, sardonic, self-mocking and utterly without illusions - is as compelling as it is persuasive, and one of the triumphs of the book."

READ MORE - The White Tiger

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma

By Chris Kanyane
In the 18th century there was one French philosopher genius, Jean-Jacques Rousseau. It was Rousseau who provided Europe with slogans for return to nature during the times of the industrial revolution when everybody was excited about machines and the power of them. Rousseau argued for a shift from reliance on the head, (that is reason) to a shift to the heart and pure nature and the simple life. Rousseau called for the human beings that are genuine in a genuine world. He advocated and kindled a novel appreciation of natural beauty, wild life, forests, landscapes, mountains and valleys.

Natural life, argued Rousseau, is spiritually fulfilling, enchanting and cultivating people.

Rousseau found the dominant culture and philosophy of Europe too cruel and materialistic. His idea of happiness was sentimental, peacefulness, social and private. The dominant philosophy of Europe or the western tradition and civilization is that happiness is something you earn and deserve and conquer. According to western tradition there are no individual rights to happiness: you can only be happy if you are successful living in a luxury. Note the fact that to live in luxury you have to soldier through, beating people along the way (and sometimes making them slaves) brushing them aside and winning in life. Happiness and successes is something you deserve and earn according to the western tradition. You can only access happiness by becoming successful in life. In this way, people's lives are in state of war, fighting to achieve, planning, controlling, strategizing, and managing is the order of western way of living.

Rousseau is backed by one of the modern philosophers Robin Sharma. Robin Sharma in his book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari speaks about a gentleman lawyer who was probably the most successful lawyer on the planet earth. This lawyer at the age of 53, as he was arguing a high powered case in court had a heart attack and collapse right at the centre of the court. And what follows may be that he entered a near death experience and entered his life review. Life review is the process we enter into shortly before we die. In this process nature present us with a comprehensive review of our lives. The purpose is to see to ourselves as to whether we were good or evil while living here on earth.

At the end however this particular lawyer survived the heart attack and came back to life here on this planet called earth. But he becomes a completely changed person having had near death experience. He drop out from the law profession and gave away all his luxuries. He travels to India to live in the mountains of India far away from people and civilization. Living in the mountains in the forests of India where there is no technology or any so called advancements that comes with the western tradition. There this former lawyer mingles with people, who in the modern sense of the western civilization you can call savage and primitive and uncivilized, spending time communing with nature, walking in the woods a life completely opposite to the big life he lived in big cities as a prominent lawyer.

This former lawyer going beyond the appearances encounters people with impeccable wisdom, wisdom based on compassion, natural justice and goodness as opposed to western tradition wisdom of being strong willed and achieving happiness out there and becoming successful.

Also Leo Tolstoy wrote a short story called How Much Land Does a Man Need. The moral of the story in this short story is that at the end all the things we spend the best days of our lives chasing in the name of success really don't matter that much. All that we really need once our lives end does not amount to too much more than six feet dust and soil.

"Society has become a messy placed to be. We have neglected what it means to stand for something bigger than our lives and we have misplaced our priorities by focusing solely on ourselves to win rather than passionately helping everyone around us win as well in a gesture of kindness and encouragement." -Robin Sharma

Dr Chris Kanyane is a simple and friendly humanitarian historian from one of the dirt mud villages in Limpopo province of South Africa, where he grew up with no electricity, no plumbing and no shoes.

Chris Kanyane was awarded an academic excellence award for his penetrating History on Africa and Human Development.

Chris Kanyane has MBA degree from Management College of Southern Africa and PhD in History from Central Western University, Texas (US)

Dr Chris Kanyane has in association with Central Western University developed excellent easy to follow home study course on Africa and Human Development.

READ MORE - The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari by Robin Sharma

Understanding Freakonomics Better - Random Decisions Are Not Random

By Prasoon Kumar
Freakonomics by Steven Levitt takes a look at interaction between different people and the way they take their decisions. He believes people never take random decisions, they follow certain rules (which may be self imposed, not necessarily external) and most of the time they try to get something or people related to them or for themselves. The rules by which the humans take their decisions may include moral, social or economic incentives or benefits.

Striking a Balance

There are three possible outcomes for any (dis)incentive schemes - if these are very weak or strong, the desired result will not occur. Even if they occur, they may come with some extra baggage of ill will among the subjects. The decisions will be happily adopted by the people if we can strike a balance between a strong incentive and a weak incentive.

Everyone Gets the Difficult Answer Right

Another interesting aspect of the incentives is cheating - which is defined as getting more benefit for less (than justified) effort invested in the work. Let's talk about the schools where the teachers are punished or rewarded according to the performance of their students. Teachers cheat through many means available to them to ensure they get the incentives. They correct the toughest answer for all the students which they are likely to have gotten wrong. The result is - a disproportionately high number of students get the toughest answer right and other easier answers wrong (mostly). They may also correct the answers written by the dumbest students, who are likely to be wrong most of the time in the teacher's perception.

We Need To Think Like Cheaters

Steven Levitt says if we have to catch the cheaters, we need to think the way they do. We need to find out what kind of cheating would bring most benefit for them, though they do tend to use easier techniques also even if they bring lesser returns. The high stakes testing was introduced in 1996, and the authorities detected suspicious changes in the marks obtained by some students over a year.

Was The Student Cheating?

So the question is, can we be sure the teachers were cheating by helping their students or not? It can be safely said the teachers only help their students if the results affect their own financial status, otherwise they don't. Steven Levitt says if the performance of the student falls after one year, they were probably cheating. Another possibility may be that the moment the student left his comfort zone, his performance slipped.

READ MORE - Understanding Freakonomics Better - Random Decisions Are Not Random

Quests Beyond Existence - A Book Beyond Description and Perception

By Michael Duque
Quests Beyond Existence presents the reader a mixture of story-telling, imparting principles, entertaining and educating the reader about concepts beyond human lives.

The book hopes to leave with the reader a more accepting attitude and a much better understanding of life and its relationships both here and beyond. Through the work, it is hoped that the reader will learn to understand human and non-human relationships and be able to apply these ideas in their own lives thereby improving their own existence. These values are hopefully achieved through concrete examples and shared personal experiences of the people in the stories.

Quest Beyond Existence does not comment, judge or criticize any actual people, groups or organizations in real life. There is nothing in the work that can be deemed slanderous of any other person, being or group. Furthermore, the book does not contain any incidents of crime nor does it include any specific descriptions of any violent acts towards human or animals. Quest Beyond Existence also does not contain any vulgar, offensive, discriminatory and indecent words or concepts as it is also completely apolitical.

Quest Beyond Existence does not include any mention or discussions of any acts of terrorism or terrorists. The work is completely based on shared personal experiences of the author. It also does not contain any descriptions or discussions relating to or pertaining to sex or sexual acts.

Quests Beyond Existence is copyrighted and is listed with the Philippine National Library as a Transpersonal Psychology work of fiction.

Buy the book and judge it for yourself.

Michael Duque joined the Spirit Questors in 1997 first as an observer then as an apprentice. Under the guidance of his mentor and SQ Founder Tony Perez, he developed his latent abilities until he became proficient in their use and application.

READ MORE - Quests Beyond Existence - A Book Beyond Description and Perception

Overcoming Passive Aggression

By Jeanine Byers Hoag
What I like about the book is that even though it addresses the angry person as "the problem" and the focus is on how that person expresses or fails to express hidden anger, there is a strong call to action on the part of the person who is in a relationship with the angry person. And part of the call is being careful about the way we express anger.

The book identifies several types of passive-aggressive people and their deep inner motivations for expressing their anger passively. The authors point out that there are deep inner needs that drive the other person's behavior and they often stem from childhood. Understanding what those needs might be help to explain why they are using these sneaky expressions of behavior instead of expressing it directly.

It also separates the differences you encounter when the passive-aggressive person is your partner, your child, your parent, your boss, your coworker, or your best friend.

The authors give detailed descriptions and great case stories to illustrate how the different types of passive-aggressive behavior show up.

They have numerous checklists to take in case, you, the reader, are the angry person expressing it passively. And they identify the costs of anger in terms of health challenges, ruined marriages, lost job promotions, estranged family relationships and others.

If you are dealing with someone's hidden anger at home, at work or in some other situation, you are likely to recognize it as you read this book. Most likely, you know that already, but one of the possible problems they mentioned is that people enable and protect the angry person, denying, ignoring or minimizing the other person's behavior.

For me, the most helpful part of the book is the part where they describe enabling and issue the call to stop it. They make several suggestions about the changes you need to make if you are encountering someone's hidden anger...

(1) Immediately stop enabling it. Address it directly and clearly and set firm boundaries about what is or is not acceptable.

(2) But do so calmly, watching carefully the way you express your own anger, lessening your own reactiveness when something happens. Be as positive as you can during each interaction. Make the interaction about resolution and state clearly what you would like to see happen to resolve the problem.

(3) Don't accept excuses if you are clear that what happened is an example of hidden anger expressed in a passive-aggressive way. And be direct about the consequences of continuing the behavior.

(4) Don't be drawn into an argument about which one of you is right and which one is wrong.

(5) Be careful not to attack the person but to focus instead on what happened and what you believe needs to happen now and in the future. Behavior not character.

"About half of passive-aggressors are fully aware of what they are doing, Engel estimates. The rest act (or don't act) unwittingly and then wonder why they get people's blood boiling."-- therapist Beverly Engel, author of Honor Your Anger: How Transforming Your Anger Style Can Change Your Life.

READ MORE - Overcoming Passive Aggression

Parenting With the Enneagram

By Jeanine Byers Hoag
Two Enneagram Books
In this article, I will review two Enneagram books by Elizabeth Wagele, the Enneagram of Parenting and the book she wrote for children, to help them better understand themselves, Finding the Birthday Cake.
Both books have helped me and my son tremendously! Both books offer helpful quizzes for parents to use to evaluate their children to see which Enneagram style they use.

And in both, the author cautions the parent that the Enneagram style may not become set in stone until they get older. While they are still young, the best thing to look at is their behavior and their tendency.

She uses a lot of cartoons in both books to illustrate each type and painting a picture of what each one is like not only makes each type seem cute and endearing, but also makes the distinctions between them clear.

"Elizabeth Wagele is a writer, cartoonist and musician who lives in Berkeley, CA, with her husband, Gus, where they raised four children and enjoy visits from their grandchildren. In 1994, HarperCollins published The Enneagram Made Easy, which is now used all over the world. She followed that with books on relationships, parenting, introverts, a children's book, and a CD on Beethoven where she plays excerpts from his piano sonatas and discusses his personality."-from Elizabeth Wagele's website

The Enneagram of Parenting

What I found helpful about this book is the way it translated each type into child language and behavior. She really did a good job of explaining how each personality type would express itself in school, at play, during mealtimes, at bedtime, and she described how they would react to stress. She also explains what they need from us as parents, and gives helpful suggestions about how to meet your child where he is, depending on his type.

Finding the Birthday Cake

Though I read this book as well, it is actually written as a story book for children, to teach the Enneagram to them in a way that makes it easy for them to understand. My son has read it several times and feels quite clearly that he and I are both fours (we are) and is clear about the others in our family, too.

In fact, he understands it so well that he enjoys guessing about people outside the family and can make a case for the type he thinks they are based on what he has observed in their behavior.

READ MORE - Parenting With the Enneagram

Review of "Influence - the Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B Cialdini

By Paul Stephen Barber
I came across this book as it was mentioned in passing by a couple of Internet marketeers that I respect, and they were suggesting that it was a must read. Anyone involved in sales already will have come across this book as it is a seminal work and quoted and copied in sales training. Influence the Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini.

I read the book whilst on holiday and I was amazed at the content. These days we all receive e-mail promotions and we are tempted by a lot of them. Some marketeers will tell you that you should save a copy of the e-mail is that tempt you in a swipe file for future reference so that you can emulate the tactics used. Whilst this is a good idea, if you are like me, with no formal sales or marketing training, then you may not notice what tactics they are using and that's where "Influence the psychology of persuasion" comes into it's own.

In the book Robert Cialdini goes through each and every tactic on a chapter by chapter basis with research which he or others has carried out on the tactic, how to recognise it, and how to resist it if you are just being manipulated.

The book absolutely fascinated me and one to be kept on your bookshelf and referred to and re-read on a regular basis. From the book you will gain an insight into how do the marketeers are working you'll recognise their tactics and that alone is a bit of an eye-opener, and then you will be able to apply some of the techniques in your own marketing.

For you personally you will learn how to recognise the tactics being used or new and therefore be able to eliminate the tactic to see if the underlying offer is one that is going to be of benefit to you or if you are just being "brainwashed".

When you read books like this, and Robert T. Kiyosaki Rich Dad Poor Dad is another example, you wonder why on earth is this type of fundamental education is not being taught in schools. So as a marketeer this book is a must and as a responsible parent again it's a must.

READ MORE - Review of "Influence - the Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert B Cialdini

Book Review - "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" by Prof Erantha De Mel

By Dr. Jeanne Oswald
Prof. Erantha De Mel in his latest book "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" offers a cogent expose of the human mind processes. It explains how to reprogram the thought patterns and thinking styles to obtain the desired results in life; and also it offers a technology for creating change. The book explains very lucidly how patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behavior are created and how we develop habits and mental programs over a period of time. Habits are not formed overnight. When we do the same thing over and over again - over a period of time, we form a habit. Our thoughts are also habits. All of us have the capacity to consider ways to re-program our minds and create new neurological pathways to achieve success.

Prof. Erantha De Mel is the founder of the Neural Optimization Technique. He is an internationally acclaimed Cognitive Neuroscientist and was the recipient of the Cambridge Blue Book Man of the Year award 2005 for his contribution to the field of Neuroscience and Cybernetics. As a practicing psychologist and researcher, in both psychology and parapsychology; he is engaged in extensive research in both fields and is a scholar with original research into Altered States of Consciousness and Psycho-Cybernetics. The Neural Optimization Technique (NeuralOpTech) provides multiple applications for business modeling, counseling, psychology, management development, sports performance, and many more. This technique also provides a way out of old habits, fears, limiting beliefs, and gives a structure for new and empowering ways of being in the world. Some people simply breathe the air; others savor the fragrance and tang in each and every breath they take. Some people look out at a landscape and see cliffs, valleys, fields and streams; others see minute details of life, climate, and splendor. "There are no facts in life. We have only perceptions" - Prof. De Mel says in his book. What we perceive is a fact for us.

Very effectively he addresses issues such as self-sabotage (sabotaging one's own success), refining self-perception (what you believe about yourself), and receiving what you expect from your life (manifestation of intent). The techniques described in this book help one to disentangle and re-define life-situations; and to clarify feelings and thoughts to his or her own advantage. It provides new resources to move forward proactively and positively. He shows how to practice positive emotional states on a daily basis, and how to manifest one's expectations in life. "If one practices feeling 'happy' everyday in his life, it is easier to feel happy" he says; because that person is practicing it, affirming it, and creating it. That's why it is so important to choose happiness as the predominant state of mind. On the contrary, if one is feeling depressed and low, and if that person keeps practicing going back to that depression - invariably, it will create depression in him.

The book describes how to examine the validity of your thought processes that is important in altering your thoughts. "In finding the validity of your thoughts, you need to defend and produce evidence that the bases for your thoughts are true. If you are unable to meet this challenge, the faulty nature of your thoughts is exposed. Your thoughts are also habits. When you think in the same way over-and-over again - over a period of time, such thought processes become habits. In other words, they become "automatic" thought processes. When engaged in irrational thinking, instead of reacting to the reality of a situation, an individual tends to react to his or her own distorted viewpoint of the situation. For instance, a person may conclude that he is "worthless" simply because he failed an exam or a job interview. It is important to identify such distorted thinking patterns, or cognitive distortions, and change or restructure them in a realistic manner."

This book is written with minimum technical terminology, having the average reader in mind. The information that is provided is excellent and invaluable in personality development and attitudinal change. It is a "must read" book!

READ MORE - Book Review - "Optimizing the Infinite Mind" by Prof Erantha De Mel

Predictably Irrational - The Keys to Your Success May Be the Opposite of What You Think

By Mary Lou Kayser
One of my favorite sitcoms of all time is Seinfeld. One of my all-time favorite episodes of that quirky show is called "The Opposite." In it, George decides that every decision he has ever made in his life has been wrong, and that his life is the exact opposite of what it should be.

George tells this to Jerry, who then suggests to George that "if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right."

At that point, George resolves to start doing the complete opposite of what he would do normally in every situation. His first "experiment" with this new mindset is with a beautiful woman he sees sitting at the diner bar. He introduces himself to her by saying, "Hi, I'm George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents."

Now if I am recalling correctly what pick up lines work and what pick up lines don't, this one would be in the latter category, a certain deal-breaker right out of the gate.

But to George's surprise, the woman is impressed, slightly turned on, and agrees to go out on a date with him!

Aside from the brilliant humor and creative genius behind the creators and writers of Seinfeld, something else is going on here in this particular episode that points to a truth about human nature.

In it, he shares several case studies that illustrate the opposite concept that was dramatized on Seinfeld. For anyone who is fascinated by or curious about why people do the things we do - things that appear on the surface to be totally illogical and the opposite of what we should be doing - Ariely's book is a must-read.

As a professional marketer and entrepreneur, I have learned some valuable things from Ariely's research that I can apply to my business endeavors. Knowing that we humans are naturally impulsive, emotional, and driven from a place of wanting to feel important or included helps with all sorts of tasks including copywriting, video production, pay per click ad campaigns, and the like. While our culture is structured around reason and logic, Ariely shows time and time again that we human beings are anything but reasonable and logical.

Sure, there may be glimmers of logic and reason every now and then, but let's not kid ourselves: cultural norms and systems are designed to control the things we are most naturally going to do. The very existence of creeds such as the Ten Commandments and The Golden Rule (and I use these examples respectfully) suggest that we humans need to be reigned in from our basest impulses.

Ariely shows this to be true again and again, with examples from his own life as a severe burn victim to situations in business to courtship to parenting to work.

I will be so bold as to suggest that the keys to success in life lie within the pages of Ariely's book. The keys to success in marketing and entrepreneurship are certainly there. By studying and internalizing the patterns of human behavior - and there really aren't too many patterns to memorize! - a person can do very well. (The moral issue arises when choices are made about how to use this information about human behavior: is it solely for personal gain (bad) or is there a broader, more benevolent impulse (good)? But this is a post in itself...)

One of my biggest take-aways from Predictably Irrational is this: In order to be remarkable, sometimes you have to do the opposite of what everyone around you is doing, even if it goes against the logical grain and puts you at social risk. In the end, each of us has to decide for ourselves what level of risk we are comfortable with relevant to the goals we have set for ourselves, and then act accordingly.

But last time I checked, anyone who is and was successful pushed past cultural norms and did not follow the path of least resistance. They instead did exactly the opposite.

READ MORE - Predictably Irrational - The Keys to Your Success May Be the Opposite of What You Think

Review of Simon Clarkson's Book - DayDreaming

By Michael Bury
I recently discovered that there are several positive thinking books available on the market, I have discovered one that interested me, Simon Clarkson has published 'DayDreaming'. This is a book aimed at the individual who is looking for success through a positive mental attitude and wants to take control of their lives.

It is a book that emphasises the power of positive thinking not dissimilar to The Secret in principle, but written by an Englishman in simple terms.

The book explains how Simon applies the power of positive thinking in all of his thoughts, actions to his everyday life. What Simon explains to his reader is that if something is important to us sufficiently so and we desire it, it can and will happen.

The world that we live in today is full of people who are negative and don't believe that they are either good enough or deserve it, whatever it is. What Simon writes is that the world is indeed there for is all to tap into, the important thing being, we need to develop our positive thinking techniques to concentrate on these issues.

Simon goes into detail of his own personal experiences in life, these are quite touching but, the important issue being it is the power of the human being. We all possess these powers but very few people apply them and this is a huge issue we all appear to have.

A great memory that I recall, is one that's when I was a young boy and I would balance on a high wall, my mother would invariably shout" be careful otherwise you may fall". And guess what invariably I'd fall. The point being once you have been told something your brain will think that it will happen and more often than not it does.

Apply the same thoughts to positive thinking techniques within our lives and you can transform your life. How simple can it all be, surely if we changed our thoughts, wouldn't life be a lot better for all mankind.

In conclusion what Simon Clarkson's book does, is to encourage us all to think positive, healthy good thoughts and you never know when you actually tune in, it will happen. If you were to carry out very simple research it would prove that most successful, prosperous individuals all have one thing in common: the same trait.

READ MORE - Review of Simon Clarkson's Book - DayDreaming